Perfecting Perfectionism
Are we honorably aspiring to do things to the best of our ability or are we creating our own failures?
Recent studies have worked to illuminate the differences between perfectionism and excellentism. Perfectionism is often idealized and unrealistic goals, almost always leading to self-criticism. Excellentism, however, is often striving for a high, yet attainable standard in a flexible way. The differences have radical impacts on our mental health. Perfectionism is actually linked to a decline in achievement, while excellentism is correlated with greater progress towards our goals, future achievement, higher life satisfaction, as well as lower depression.
Perfectionists are often self-critical with little to no self-compassion. There is rigid thinking often associated with it as well, which, in part, is what interferes with progress towards goals. Additionally, perfectionism can have a significant negative impact on those around you. It might be focusing on furniture set up in a particular way, chores to be done just so, or unrealistic expectations of others. These excessive standards, often push people away, and can lead people to take too much on since they feel like no one else does it right aside from themselves. Before roping others into our perfectionism, pause to reflect on whether there may be a high social expense. It might be worth thinking about the impact it has on particular relationships.
Another term to consider is perfectionistic concerns, or extreme worrying over making mistakes or being negatively evaluated by others. This can lead to harsh internal criticism, neuroticism, and avoidance. This line of thinking usually has little tolerance for ambiguity or uncertainty. Considering how much of life is out of our control, this mindset can lead to overwhelming anxiety due to the focus on the wrong thing. The heart of perfectionism is not pride in one’s work, but instead makes a habit over viewing everything through a lens of how it fails to meet unrealistic standards.
Lastly, therapists are now assigning therapy homework to perfectionists of trying to purposefully make mistakes. A study recently showed that doing this lowered participants levels of perfectionism and concern over making mistakes. It also lowered symptoms of depression and social anxiety. From this, participants were able to realize that mistakes aren’t that bad after all and that simple repetition might be enough to break down these tendencies.
TLDR: strive for being a good enough perfectionist (excellentism) and don’t give in to our culturally based competitive outlook and obsession with productivity and achievement.
Experiment: Make one mistake (low stakes) on purpose today.
Doc Hotz